KTGB!

Thoughts on the first song I've ever finished myself

Note from Riri: Listen to “KTGB!” on your streaming platform of choice or buy/steal the song on Bandcamp!

---

Today I’m gonna, day I’m gonna… go and KTGB!

Hi, I’m Riri, and today is the day I am releasing my first song - “KTGB!”

If you’ve been following “Fear of Music” on Substack, you will know that I started writing songs five years ago and that it took me all these five years to make it to my first release. For all this time, I’d been stuck in an echo chamber with people who kept telling me I would NEVER make it alone.

Allegedly, I had no true potential for music production, at least not to the level that would meet professional standards. Allegedly, I would never be able to attract any industry attention if I didn’t stick around people with the “right connections”.

For years, I’ve been trained in fear of music, to the point where I would break down at the thought of trying to arrange and produce a song myself. How could I when Mister Big Shot said I can’t?

That was still the state of affairs at the end of June 2025. On June 28th, I was supposed to go to Georgia to start on my solo music production with my friend

Gosha Pinchuk

(read my ode to his awesomeness here!), and I WAS SCARED.

The night before my flight, I was walking down the street with my friend Yuyu, and she asked me what my plans were with regard to music and the upcoming trip.

I told her I was going to an industry festival in Hamburg on September 17th, and how it would be amazing if I had something to show by that time, if I got to officially exist. But then again, that was simply impossible: songs need to be finished weeks, if not months, before the release date, and there was just simply no time. (And no skill on my part.)

On my first day in Georgia, Gosha and I went out for breakfast to discuss our plans for the trip. As we were eating potato pancakes, I gave him the same speech about how it would be perfect to have something released by the time the festival came around and how it was equally impossible to achieve that.

When I was finished, Gosha looked at me blankly and asked: “Why?”

And so it was decided: we would do everything within our power to get “KTGB!” done on time.

The deadline was set. The recording engineer was pumped. And I was scared - an impostor.

In the next several weeks, we organised a drum session and spent hours on end recording bass and guitar parts. I went into every session absolutely certain that I couldn’t contribute anything of value. Yet already several minutes in, I found myself speaking out, giving pointers, telling the musicians exactly how I wanted a melody or a rhythm to go.

Every morning, I woke up with fear, and every morning, I made my way to the studio. Yes, it was right down the corridor, but that path still seemed endless.

Slowly, very slowly, I started realising that it was OK to come into the studio without knowing exactly what I wanted. It was also OK to come thinking I wanted one thing and then to change my mind in the process, yielding something much better than I initially imagined. It was fine to get your hands dirty, to make a guitar tone that sounded ridiculous, to play one note of the solo with an insane octave jump, to cut sounds up in pieces so that they would choke on themselves.

Gosha played a big role in helping me curb my fear. He stood by me through all the psychological hangups and helped me gain perspective where things seemed incredibly bleak.

When I was coming back to Berlin, the song was far from done. I knew I would have to do the rest of the work on sound design and vocals back home, and I still wasn’t sure I would have it in me to face my studio alone.

It’s really funny to remember what gave me the final boost: I saw that my Airbnb stay for the festival in Hamburg was fifty days away. FIFTY! And at least twenty-one of those days must go to promotion!

The very next day, I recorded my vocals even though I felt like I was on the verge of getting sick. The day after, I fired up my synths and recorded a multitude of different sounds and parts. For the first time in my life, I felt joy experimenting with sound.

I will forever remember the night I figured out how to use my new vocoder plugin and recorded those luscious back vocals with it - probably my favorite sound in the whole song. As I was standing by my table, playing back the newly recorded parts, I cried uncontrollably. My music could sound intricate, and full, and professional - AND I COULD DO IT MYSELF!

I don’t think the spell was broken that very second, but I KNOW it gave a crack.

When we finished the final master of “KTGB!” on August 22, I suddenly realised:

I can finish a song.

A song can be finished!

I am a musician.

I am going to make it.

So hear now, “KTGB!”:

---