I think as teenagers we’re often our worst critic / enemy and all we need is a tiny external catalyst to launch the self-loathing attack. So no wonder!
Thank you for this story-part, Riri. You asked for responses, and here's mine.
There's a 19th century British tradition -- probably a European tradition -- to treat music as 'an accomplishment'. The sort of capability that would be paraded for marriageability and for status among neighbours. In the 19th century that was very much a middle-class affectation, but it's the middle classes who teach music, which meant that by the 20th century, working classes had picked this affectation up too. It puts enormous and unnecessary pressure on children who are drawn to music not because of how it looks to others, but because of what they can explore in themselves.
That's *not* the tradition of folk music, either. Folk music is community music. Everyone participates however they can, and they learn from one another. That's how African American music developed, how bluegrass developed, and how early country music developed. If you're poor enough and there's music in your community, you can sometimes get a better musical tradition than the affluent do.
The mass-produced guitar though, cracks that 'accomplishment' affectation wide open. Any kid whose family is more than working poor can pick a guitar up (and even the working poor can pick up a guitar from a pawn shop if they scrimp.) It's a versatile instrument offering percussion, rhythm and melody. You get a lot of self-developed learning opportunity with guitar; there are enough of them around that you can learn from friends, and by the 1950s the earliest Guitar Heroes can offer aspirations too.
Unfortunately by the second half of the 20th century, corporatisation replaced middle-class Accomplishment as the gatekeeper of guitar-playing. The Guy in the music store isn't just a misogynist but a corporate shill. The more shame he can pile on you and the more he can normalise branding and status, the pricier the guitar you'll buy in compensation and there goes your opportunity to adventure and to learn.
So there's a lot of socioeconomic context sitting underneath your experience, Riri. I'd venture that it's not just about being female; it's not just about your family and it's certainly not just about you.
For me, it was a fight between the narcissism in my family (my guitar-playing was their social 'property'), the slavish commercialisation of music among my friends (they were fans of whatever was on the radio or TV more than they were musical explorers), and the contention between music-for-interest and all the other things I had to do to claw out of my family's socioeconomic circumstances.
Music for me was never an answer to 'who am I', because you can't even *ask* 'who am I' while you're trying to survive economically. The introspection of 'who am I' is a luxury of housing security, financial security, personal safety and accurate social reflection. You might need to build a lot of that before you can avail yourself of that luxury.
So music has always been a 'how' for me instead -- how to reflect, explore, engage and contribute. Just as cooking and serving food can go with anything, so can music.
Giving yourself the space to explore that is key. But that space must include safety, intimacy and respect. Establishing that is your first priority. The need to do that isn't some sort of shame -- it's fundamental, and its absence will keep smacking you until you accept that it was always your own responsibility to create it.
I think you're doing that, Riri, although you sometimes seem overly conflicted about doing so. Regardless, I'm cheering here.
But by the same token I'm not persuaded that doing it to popular acclaim is ever the best measure. Your popular success might turn music into an income, but commercial musicianship isn't therapy nor authenticity either. 'What is music to me' and 'what will others pay me for' often don't converge -- even among commercially successful musicians, and neither question answers 'who am I' (which may be part of why so many musicians are chaotic, messed-up folk.)
So music is a worthwhile adventure, but won't teach us everything. There are personal foundations that we all need to establish too. It'd be great if it all got solved with gold Youtube plaque or a double-platinum album but the history of music shows that it definitely *doesn't*. :)
I love the honesty and the completely real way you told us your story. I think all of us have dealt with "The Guy" in one form or another. I was told,"oh you want to play bass? That's for people to slow to play a guitar properly!" That made me want to play it even more. But like you, it's hard to hear those put downs that people may jokingly say. But fortunately for us, you DIDN'T give up 😊 💜
Honestly, I’ve heard this thing about bass players and I think this is the largest pile of bullcrap ever, a conspiracy created by ego-tripping guitarists 😅 most songs could survive without a guitar but remove the rhythm section and you’re screwed!
So I don’t see why you shouldn’t just get a bass now and play for your own enjoyment, with no outside pressure 👽
Oh...I still have that bass that I "wore so well" (😂 you know the story) as well as 2 electric guitars, and acoustic guitar and my amp...I still play occasionally...I need to play more!
What a jerk! In the states, there is always "that guy" that works at Guitar Center who is annoyed at everyone....makes me grateful for ordering instruments online.
These days I’m also ordering most things online, especially seeing as so many physical stores have closed in Berlin precisely because of people ordering online 🫠
That wasn’t possible for me back in the day and I guess you need to meet The Guy to even become aware of how petty someone like that can be 👽
I read your piece. I'm so sorry this happened to you,that because of unsolicited criticism and blabbing of a bitter old guy, who didn't amount to anything worthwhile musically himself you gave up guitar for a while.
I know the feeling, no stranger to misjudged and unfair criticism myself I've been discouraged too many times, especially while learning drawing.
It took inspiration from a myriad of great artists and a total mindset rewire to become confident enough to pursue learning any type of medium and stand the criticism.
Your writing is great by the way -- I flew through the essay in no time, it felt so engaging and seamless. Looking forward to reading about the continuation of your guitar journey!
Yeah, sometimes it a wrong combination of subtle influences that can turn you away from doing something you love at the core. But it’s within our own realm of responsibility and decision making to push on despite the criticism 👽
Thank you so much for complimenting my writing! It’s really just a side effect of wanting to talk about music 🖤
I am a non-musician yet I’ve always been fascinated by guitars. One of my college classmates owned a few instruments. He learned to play without lessons. I was envious of his perfect pitch. Daveed still practices and is a Science professor. Big band & swing was my initial introduction to popular music. I was a teenager then who thinks this is a cool hobby. I tried learning guitar chords myself. It wasn’t meant to be. Sighs. I have a Cort acoustic inside my imperial bedroom. I cannot read music tabs either but neither can the Edge. There is hope somewhere. Rock Guitarists like SRV, David Gilmour, John Frusciante, Jonny Greenwood, and Mike McCreedy influenced me further. There is something mystical and profound about hearing a guitar line for the first time. Too many modern artists are reliant on pedals. It detracts from the cleanliness. Distortion is cool especially in nineties alt.rock I feel like everybody tries so hard to emulate their rock guitar heroes. Just play and let the magic happen. I used to dig Jack White but now he’s not creative. It’s all noise and distortion. Maybe I’ve soured on the state of guitar players in the 21st century.
Anyhow, I am kinda artsy depending on my mood. I used to capture landscape photography and edit digital images with Photoshop. I still conjure up the Muse in the form of romantic poetry. I don’t think it sucks and I am aware of the stereotypes.
Guitars are expression makers. We all need to follow their lead. Thanks for reading my comments and advocating for music education. It is imperative that we listen more and invest in our favourite sounds. Guitars are so rad.
I loved reading about your connection with guitars throughout your life and I really, really like your influences - all absolutely genius guitarists.
I think there’s merit to different kind of playing - like shoegazy noise sound AND melodic playing but I myself am more inclined towards writing melodic guitar lines, too!
I think there’s no universal recipe - just whatever sounds awesome ✨
I really didn’t get certain distortion laden effects from bands like DinosaurJr or Pavement. It’s all cool now. MBV, Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth demonstrated that noise can be applied artfully.
More cowbell and guitar noise! I never learned Music Theory. I did enroll in a few courses during my college years. History of Jazz, Classical, and Blues. I believe one should encourage their creativity. I was fortunate to immerse myself in musical appreciation, art history and poetry.
This is an absolutely first class piece of writing. I’m utterly appalled by The Guy… Women often have a distinctive touch on the guitar. I was listening to Diya Hai by Arooj Aftab and I thought WHO is that on guitar…? It’s a classical guitar and you can instantly hear it’s someone who can really play… It was Badi Assad, a force to be reckoned with.
Thinline Tele? Excellent! I have an all-black Esquire here that can kill seagulls at 60 paces. The guitar I play most is a flamenca blanca by Thomas Dauge. I’ve had it for about twelve years, I think.
Looking forward to part two. I’m sure you know now to ignore these idiot guys. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to play.
Granted, I’m definitely not any good at playing still, but I’m finding my footing slowly, now I can do things that seemed impossible at the beginning of this year 🌝
I’m not home now but my new Tele is definitely one of the things I’m looking forward to when I get back 🖤
Haha I’m still on my way to the Marshall full stack, I gotta admit! But I have a cabinet emulator plugin and a tape saturation pedal :D a small home studio is a small home studio!
Loved every second of reading that. It’s awesome 👍 it’s funny in some parts, like where you’re saying your dad used to sit in your practice and criticise you. Dad's will be dads lol
Your description of The Guy is painfully accurate 😂. Every music shop seems to have that gatekeeping rock dude. I’m so glad you eventually got Daisy—she sounds gorgeous.
Thanks for sharing this! Your story made me think how we each have our own path - the guy who had played for 5 years only but seemed better, and you and me with me decade long struggle and self-denial.
I’m in my 70s and still playing. Studying Django Reinhardt gypsy jazz for the last 10 years. Just had a lesson now. Guitar is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep playing!
"If only I could get my hands on an electric guitar." Haha I love the enthusiasm in that sentence. You've had your eye on the prize from the get-go.
I'm sorry you had all those mean jabs thrown at you, but look at you now! There's so much artistic energy bubbling in you! I can’t wait to see you grow more and more!❤️
Another fun read. I was never drawn to guitars.... Don't know why...I did try to learn ukelele for a while... Thought it would be easier but nope 🤣
That ukelele was a gift and was made in Hawaii, I still have it as decoration....haha
I was drawn to drums and violin.... Tried them and never continue....I hated piano yet I learned and played for 8 years when I was little.... I did perform on stage in a group and solo a few times.... But they didn't mean anything to me when I was a kid.
I do regret I didn't keep playing piano cuz little did I know I was introduced to jazz in Montreal and I wished I still play piano cuz I would love to be in the jazz jam sessions as an pianists just for fun.
Well in the end it’s like asking myself what would happen if I started making music at 20 - things would be different but maybe starting that early cycling would mean something different to you. For now it seems like you’ve found it at a time when you needed it!
It’s very difficult to keep at it with music if it’s imposed upon you as a kid. Kids have a very different mentality and things like music lessons seem boring to most in those years.
I think you could still do it with the ukulele, it IS somewhat easier than the guitar 🙃
haha, one day I guess...I will just enjoy other people's music for now....road cycling is my current passion and I wish I was introduced to road cycling in my late teens....I could be a world tour cyclist (probably not) :P
and I will never know my life time peak fitness is like (age 25 is the absolute peak for everyone)
Bahaha the guitar guy description was too on point! I still see mine when I can’t be bothered fixing something myself and want a lecture about ESP guitars 😂.
It's easy to hurt a creative person
Probably true, but it’s also easy to hurt someone who’s just beginning 🥲
Very true...and when you're a teenager starting out, it definitely stings a lot more....
I think as teenagers we’re often our worst critic / enemy and all we need is a tiny external catalyst to launch the self-loathing attack. So no wonder!
I agree. Those are very awkward and impressionable years. They can make or break you in a lot of ways 😢
Don’t let them break you!
I'm too stubborn to let them do that! If for no other reason than to irritate them 😂
Thank you for this story-part, Riri. You asked for responses, and here's mine.
There's a 19th century British tradition -- probably a European tradition -- to treat music as 'an accomplishment'. The sort of capability that would be paraded for marriageability and for status among neighbours. In the 19th century that was very much a middle-class affectation, but it's the middle classes who teach music, which meant that by the 20th century, working classes had picked this affectation up too. It puts enormous and unnecessary pressure on children who are drawn to music not because of how it looks to others, but because of what they can explore in themselves.
That's *not* the tradition of folk music, either. Folk music is community music. Everyone participates however they can, and they learn from one another. That's how African American music developed, how bluegrass developed, and how early country music developed. If you're poor enough and there's music in your community, you can sometimes get a better musical tradition than the affluent do.
The mass-produced guitar though, cracks that 'accomplishment' affectation wide open. Any kid whose family is more than working poor can pick a guitar up (and even the working poor can pick up a guitar from a pawn shop if they scrimp.) It's a versatile instrument offering percussion, rhythm and melody. You get a lot of self-developed learning opportunity with guitar; there are enough of them around that you can learn from friends, and by the 1950s the earliest Guitar Heroes can offer aspirations too.
Unfortunately by the second half of the 20th century, corporatisation replaced middle-class Accomplishment as the gatekeeper of guitar-playing. The Guy in the music store isn't just a misogynist but a corporate shill. The more shame he can pile on you and the more he can normalise branding and status, the pricier the guitar you'll buy in compensation and there goes your opportunity to adventure and to learn.
So there's a lot of socioeconomic context sitting underneath your experience, Riri. I'd venture that it's not just about being female; it's not just about your family and it's certainly not just about you.
For me, it was a fight between the narcissism in my family (my guitar-playing was their social 'property'), the slavish commercialisation of music among my friends (they were fans of whatever was on the radio or TV more than they were musical explorers), and the contention between music-for-interest and all the other things I had to do to claw out of my family's socioeconomic circumstances.
Music for me was never an answer to 'who am I', because you can't even *ask* 'who am I' while you're trying to survive economically. The introspection of 'who am I' is a luxury of housing security, financial security, personal safety and accurate social reflection. You might need to build a lot of that before you can avail yourself of that luxury.
So music has always been a 'how' for me instead -- how to reflect, explore, engage and contribute. Just as cooking and serving food can go with anything, so can music.
Giving yourself the space to explore that is key. But that space must include safety, intimacy and respect. Establishing that is your first priority. The need to do that isn't some sort of shame -- it's fundamental, and its absence will keep smacking you until you accept that it was always your own responsibility to create it.
I think you're doing that, Riri, although you sometimes seem overly conflicted about doing so. Regardless, I'm cheering here.
But by the same token I'm not persuaded that doing it to popular acclaim is ever the best measure. Your popular success might turn music into an income, but commercial musicianship isn't therapy nor authenticity either. 'What is music to me' and 'what will others pay me for' often don't converge -- even among commercially successful musicians, and neither question answers 'who am I' (which may be part of why so many musicians are chaotic, messed-up folk.)
So music is a worthwhile adventure, but won't teach us everything. There are personal foundations that we all need to establish too. It'd be great if it all got solved with gold Youtube plaque or a double-platinum album but the history of music shows that it definitely *doesn't*. :)
Thank you for such a detailed comment! The history of gatekeeping in music is no doubt profoundly interesting but admittedly equally as depressing 🫠
I think my goals in music are still not set in stone - I’d like to find the middle ground between being myself and reducing my office workload.
I love the honesty and the completely real way you told us your story. I think all of us have dealt with "The Guy" in one form or another. I was told,"oh you want to play bass? That's for people to slow to play a guitar properly!" That made me want to play it even more. But like you, it's hard to hear those put downs that people may jokingly say. But fortunately for us, you DIDN'T give up 😊 💜
Honestly, I’ve heard this thing about bass players and I think this is the largest pile of bullcrap ever, a conspiracy created by ego-tripping guitarists 😅 most songs could survive without a guitar but remove the rhythm section and you’re screwed!
So I don’t see why you shouldn’t just get a bass now and play for your own enjoyment, with no outside pressure 👽
Oh...I still have that bass that I "wore so well" (😂 you know the story) as well as 2 electric guitars, and acoustic guitar and my amp...I still play occasionally...I need to play more!
What a jerk! In the states, there is always "that guy" that works at Guitar Center who is annoyed at everyone....makes me grateful for ordering instruments online.
These days I’m also ordering most things online, especially seeing as so many physical stores have closed in Berlin precisely because of people ordering online 🫠
That wasn’t possible for me back in the day and I guess you need to meet The Guy to even become aware of how petty someone like that can be 👽
yeah, ideally there would be more nice boutique shops with genuine people running them, but those have vanished here as well. (sad alien emoji)
Been wanting to get a squire jaguar- sea foam green (happy alien emoji)
Waaah! Do you have a picture of that jaguar? 🐆🎸
https://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/JagCV70SG--squier-classic-vibe-70s-jaguar-seafoam-green
🤤🤤
Whooo is this beauty?! Hiiii!
wait never mind, now I want the Tahitian Coral Jazzmaster- https://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/JazzMCV60TC--squier-classic-vibe-60s-jazzmaster-electric-guitar-tahitian-coral
Your description of The Guy is so vivid that his contempt for girls is palpable even through the screen. I can’t wait for part 2!
Thank you, Axel! I still remember him like it was yesterday! 🫠 and part 2 is coming next week 👽
I read your piece. I'm so sorry this happened to you,that because of unsolicited criticism and blabbing of a bitter old guy, who didn't amount to anything worthwhile musically himself you gave up guitar for a while.
I know the feeling, no stranger to misjudged and unfair criticism myself I've been discouraged too many times, especially while learning drawing.
It took inspiration from a myriad of great artists and a total mindset rewire to become confident enough to pursue learning any type of medium and stand the criticism.
Your writing is great by the way -- I flew through the essay in no time, it felt so engaging and seamless. Looking forward to reading about the continuation of your guitar journey!
Thank you so much, Julianne!
Yeah, sometimes it a wrong combination of subtle influences that can turn you away from doing something you love at the core. But it’s within our own realm of responsibility and decision making to push on despite the criticism 👽
Thank you so much for complimenting my writing! It’s really just a side effect of wanting to talk about music 🖤
squier is awesome!!
Squier is especially a blessing for beginners plus I’ve been told a lot of professional musicians with huge careers play Squiers! 🖤
I am a non-musician yet I’ve always been fascinated by guitars. One of my college classmates owned a few instruments. He learned to play without lessons. I was envious of his perfect pitch. Daveed still practices and is a Science professor. Big band & swing was my initial introduction to popular music. I was a teenager then who thinks this is a cool hobby. I tried learning guitar chords myself. It wasn’t meant to be. Sighs. I have a Cort acoustic inside my imperial bedroom. I cannot read music tabs either but neither can the Edge. There is hope somewhere. Rock Guitarists like SRV, David Gilmour, John Frusciante, Jonny Greenwood, and Mike McCreedy influenced me further. There is something mystical and profound about hearing a guitar line for the first time. Too many modern artists are reliant on pedals. It detracts from the cleanliness. Distortion is cool especially in nineties alt.rock I feel like everybody tries so hard to emulate their rock guitar heroes. Just play and let the magic happen. I used to dig Jack White but now he’s not creative. It’s all noise and distortion. Maybe I’ve soured on the state of guitar players in the 21st century.
Anyhow, I am kinda artsy depending on my mood. I used to capture landscape photography and edit digital images with Photoshop. I still conjure up the Muse in the form of romantic poetry. I don’t think it sucks and I am aware of the stereotypes.
Guitars are expression makers. We all need to follow their lead. Thanks for reading my comments and advocating for music education. It is imperative that we listen more and invest in our favourite sounds. Guitars are so rad.
I loved reading about your connection with guitars throughout your life and I really, really like your influences - all absolutely genius guitarists.
I think there’s merit to different kind of playing - like shoegazy noise sound AND melodic playing but I myself am more inclined towards writing melodic guitar lines, too!
I think there’s no universal recipe - just whatever sounds awesome ✨
I really didn’t get certain distortion laden effects from bands like DinosaurJr or Pavement. It’s all cool now. MBV, Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth demonstrated that noise can be applied artfully.
As long as you can find something that gels with you I’d say it’s a win 🌝
More cowbell and guitar noise! I never learned Music Theory. I did enroll in a few courses during my college years. History of Jazz, Classical, and Blues. I believe one should encourage their creativity. I was fortunate to immerse myself in musical appreciation, art history and poetry.
In my opinion you don’t need music theory to have a defined music taste 👽
I suppose I was fortunate to having friends growing up who were immersed in that period of music. Google John Farnham.
I’ve never gravitated towards the technical
This is an absolutely first class piece of writing. I’m utterly appalled by The Guy… Women often have a distinctive touch on the guitar. I was listening to Diya Hai by Arooj Aftab and I thought WHO is that on guitar…? It’s a classical guitar and you can instantly hear it’s someone who can really play… It was Badi Assad, a force to be reckoned with.
Thinline Tele? Excellent! I have an all-black Esquire here that can kill seagulls at 60 paces. The guitar I play most is a flamenca blanca by Thomas Dauge. I’ve had it for about twelve years, I think.
Looking forward to part two. I’m sure you know now to ignore these idiot guys. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to play.
https://open.spotify.com/track/5kxJ6PiADtz7kxMr9mBYBS?si=oKOo1AxuQE6bVzbIWiW1vw
I’m really excited to hear the song after my current recording session!
I thank you with all my heart, Charles!
Granted, I’m definitely not any good at playing still, but I’m finding my footing slowly, now I can do things that seemed impossible at the beginning of this year 🌝
I’m not home now but my new Tele is definitely one of the things I’m looking forward to when I get back 🖤
Thank you SO MUCH for reading!
That Guy is the worst. Looking forward to part 2 and your first Marshall full stack 🙃
Haha I’m still on my way to the Marshall full stack, I gotta admit! But I have a cabinet emulator plugin and a tape saturation pedal :D a small home studio is a small home studio!
Loved every second of reading that. It’s awesome 👍 it’s funny in some parts, like where you’re saying your dad used to sit in your practice and criticise you. Dad's will be dads lol
Thank you, Louise! I’m happy I was able to give it an entertaining twist 👽
You certainly did that 🌟 Reminded me of WALK THE MOON’s guitarist called Eli (who’s my favourite)
Your description of The Guy is painfully accurate 😂. Every music shop seems to have that gatekeeping rock dude. I’m so glad you eventually got Daisy—she sounds gorgeous.
Daisy and I are in love, no question about that 🙃
And yeah, I feel like music stores attract that kind of guys like a magnet! Super frustrating for beginners!
Longtime guitarist here. This is from my early days playing.
https://papajoegrappa.substack.com/p/the-super-chief
Thanks for sharing this! Your story made me think how we each have our own path - the guy who had played for 5 years only but seemed better, and you and me with me decade long struggle and self-denial.
Yet we’re all still doing it!
I’m in my 70s and still playing. Studying Django Reinhardt gypsy jazz for the last 10 years. Just had a lesson now. Guitar is a marathon, not a sprint. Keep playing!
I’m on it, I promise! There’s many things im doing in parallel to bring my music to fruition but guitar is definitely one of them 👽
"If only I could get my hands on an electric guitar." Haha I love the enthusiasm in that sentence. You've had your eye on the prize from the get-go.
I'm sorry you had all those mean jabs thrown at you, but look at you now! There's so much artistic energy bubbling in you! I can’t wait to see you grow more and more!❤️
Another fun read. I was never drawn to guitars.... Don't know why...I did try to learn ukelele for a while... Thought it would be easier but nope 🤣
That ukelele was a gift and was made in Hawaii, I still have it as decoration....haha
I was drawn to drums and violin.... Tried them and never continue....I hated piano yet I learned and played for 8 years when I was little.... I did perform on stage in a group and solo a few times.... But they didn't mean anything to me when I was a kid.
I do regret I didn't keep playing piano cuz little did I know I was introduced to jazz in Montreal and I wished I still play piano cuz I would love to be in the jazz jam sessions as an pianists just for fun.
Well in the end it’s like asking myself what would happen if I started making music at 20 - things would be different but maybe starting that early cycling would mean something different to you. For now it seems like you’ve found it at a time when you needed it!
There are many things I wish I had started early....i suppose they are happening in other multi-verse...just not in this one :P
It’s very difficult to keep at it with music if it’s imposed upon you as a kid. Kids have a very different mentality and things like music lessons seem boring to most in those years.
I think you could still do it with the ukulele, it IS somewhat easier than the guitar 🙃
haha, one day I guess...I will just enjoy other people's music for now....road cycling is my current passion and I wish I was introduced to road cycling in my late teens....I could be a world tour cyclist (probably not) :P
and I will never know my life time peak fitness is like (age 25 is the absolute peak for everyone)
Bahaha the guitar guy description was too on point! I still see mine when I can’t be bothered fixing something myself and want a lecture about ESP guitars 😂.
Also I always hated the “rockstar” thing too..
Glad you’re still rocking! 🤘